You may or may not have noticed, but the title of this column is "Tales from the Dork Side", which seemed like a good idea when it was late at night with Stephen and we were brainstorming about the site. We came up with a lot of great ideas for articles I could write, and they all burned away in the horrible, purifying light of the morning. Remember, kids, if you want to channel alcoholism into creativity, you have to do the creating when you're drunk, not hungover. It doesn't work the other way. I've tried.
But you may be wondering if I have a point. My point is, there's a certain word in the title of this column that needs to be defined. No, not "side". Or "the". Okay, yes, we do need a good definition of "from", but that will take much longer than the length of one article.
What is, exactly, a "dork"? And, related to this, how do we define the dork's close family members, the geek, the nerd, and the spazz? Well, like this:
Geek: A geek is, by and large, someone with some expertise or great interest in the technical, science, or any stereotypically left-brained region. They are very smart people, who have skills, and know how to fix your computer, or cure your cancer. Because of their devotion to their craft, they may become socially isolated from people outside of the "geek" strata, but there have been certain geeks who have succeeded in socializing, and even mating outside of their species.
(Note: despite the nomenclature, a "band geek" is not a true geek at all, but actually a breed of dork. Much like the red panda.)
Nerd: The nerd can perhaps be considered a subspecies of the geek, with the specific characteristics that define a geek brought into excessive amounts. The nerd knows what it is doing, it is the top of its field, or is the most devoted to its particular interest. This "deep geek" immersion leads to further isolation from the lower intellectual castes, who fear and do not understand the nerd. This is generally just fine with the nerd in question.
(Note: Not all of the characters in the film "Revenge of the Nerds", were, in fact, nerds. Lamar Latrell was just gay, and Dudley "Booger" Dawson was just gross.)
Spazz: The spazz is actually not strongly related to either the geek or the nerd groups, but it is common to see a crossbreed. The spazz does not have the skill or interest of the geek, nerd, or dork. They are just socially inept. Anyone could be a spazz. Even you.
(Note: Probably you.)
Dork: The one you waited for. The dork covers many fields. What defines a dork is not an excess of skill, but an excess of interest. They become subsumed in whatever they like the most, until their hobby nearly defines who they are. This, as might be suggested, leads to difficulty in interacting with the outside world.
(Note: If you have ever thought something like, "Man, that guy definitely has four dots in Cool", you are a dork.)
These different breeds can often crossbreed, so you will meet a geeky dork, or a dorky nerd. Or even the rare dorky geeky nerdy spazz. Do not get in an elevator with that one. Really.
I myself am a dork. I dabble in many fields; I am a bit of a movie dork, a bit of a comic dork, a large bit of an anime dork, quite a deal of a video game dork... I am dork of all trades, and master of none. Much like the bard in AD&D.
If you ever compare anything to the bard in AD&D... well, you know what you are.
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